February 4th, 2024
it’s amazing how a smell can take you back.
he bought me three different Hermès soaps the last Christmas we spent together. I hadn’t used it since last may.
I used it today and it took me back.
why can’t I shake the feelings of him coming back off?
maybe I want to believe that I’m not aurally dead to him.
but the ugly and painful truth is that to him I am.
maybe he should be dead to me too.
why do I feel like he’s coming back? is it delusion? am I delusional?
even if he were to come back, nothing would change.
I won’t ever agree to be with him again, at least not romantically.
I could be open to the idea of him and I someday becoming friends.
but then again, why would I want to be friends with someone who threatened to kill me?
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